“I don’t love you anymore.”
As soon Harry spoke the words, he knew that they were a lie. It wasn’t that he didn’t love Ginny anymore. He had never loved her. Not the way he should have. Not that way she loved him. He hated doing this to her, he really did, but he just couldn’t pretend anymore. He was tired of the deception.
He stared at his rough hands clenched together on the mahogany surface below. He couldn’t look up and see the despair reflected back at him. He’d chicken out; take back the words that he spoke. He wouldn’t be able to explain where they came from, how it had happened as he wanted to – no, needed to.
It had been only recently that he had realized he had never loved Ginny. When they were younger, still in school, he had foolishly led both of them to believe he loved her unconditionally, but he realizes now that what he had thought was love had only been lust. It lasted longer than it ought to, which in part was Ginny’s fault. He loved her wild side. Nearly every night after work she would drag him out to go dancing and, Merlin, had he loved dancing with her. Every time it was different, she never ceased to surprise him.
They would fall into bed in the wee hours in the morning, but it was only on the rarest of occasions that they would fall asleep immediately. She was just as wild in bed as she was on the dance floor, and Harry didn’t hold any delusions about who the better lover was.
Then she became pregnant. The dancing had stopped, and with it, their wild sex. Harry knew that he wasn’t ready to be a father yet, but what could he have done about that? So, he married Ginny and they moved out of their flat in Diagon Alley. They purchased a small house in the country, not far from The Burrow. It was a family home. Something about it bothered Harry, whether it was the open space or just the fact that he was now supposed to be a family man, he still didn’t know.
James was born, and soon after, Albus. Both Harry and Ginny lived for their children, and Harry never loved anyone more than he loved his sons. He seemed to be better at the whole fatherhood thing than he expected, and he actually enjoyed himself.
However, in the back of his mind he couldn’t help counting down the days until the children went to Hogwarts and he and Ginny could return to their carefree lifestyle. He was counting on it; his job at the Ministry was slowly driving him mad, and he had little relief at home. He fell into bed at night too exhausted to think, let alone to try to persuade Ginny for a little fun.
It didn’t get any better when Lily was born, only busier. But Harry didn’t regret it, not at all. He loved his children to pieces, and he would do absolutely anything for them. He’d run to the moon and back if it meant they would never have to face any of the horrors he had. But that didn’t mean he didn’t wish he could jump back a few years.
Finally the day came when they were alone in their home again, at least until the holidays came. It had felt empty, even to Harry, who had been waiting for that day for years. Still, he held the hope that things would go back to the way they had been. But Ginny seemed to feel that they were too old to go dancing, and she was never in the mood for anything but a backrub.
At first, Harry blamed his sexual frustration on why he was straying away from Ginny. He would go out by himself, and more than once, he managed to pick up a woman much younger than himself. It wasn’t hard; he had a very famous face and the women fell all over him. But they didn’t satisfy him the way Ginny had.
“It started when Lily persuaded us to have dinner with the Malfoy’s last Christmas, do you remember? She and Scorpius wanted Draco and I to become friendly.” Harry didn’t think he could outright tell her just yet how friendly they had actually become. It would destroy her to know that he was leaving her for Draco Malfoy. Not to mention that Lily would never forgive him for getting involved in her fiancée’s father. Neither would Ron.
Lily and Scorpius, who had been good friends since Lily’s fourth year in Hogwarts, and had started dating once Lily left Hogwarts, had decided that it was high time for the old rivalries to be healed. Scorpius had managed to convince Draco and Asteria to host a dinner party while Lily convinced Harry and Ginny to attend. That was the start of it all, thought it took a much greater amount of time for Harry and Draco to do more than speak in formalities to one another.
“Seeing them so happy together – Draco and Asteria, I mean – made me realize that this wasn’t all there was in the world. I didn’t want to believe it; I wanted you to be my happily-ever-after, but I…I can’t lie anymore.”
Harry waited for the question that he knew was coming: Who is she? He didn’t know how he could get around that one without lying; he had promised himself he wasn’t going to lie.
“Does it matter?” he finally asked, “It won’t change anything, Gin. It won’t change what I know now, or how I feel. I…I’m going to leave. Tonight, if you want.” Harry did. The faster he left, the faster Ginny would be able to get on with her life.
Finally, Harry looked up into the defeated eyes staring back at him. His reflection looked weary, distraught, defeated, and he hadn’t even actually told her anything yet. He tugged his glasses off his face and rubbed his hands worriedly over his face. Merlin, how was he going to do this? Luckily, Ginny was out getting groceries, so he should have at least half an hour longer to pull himself together.
Somewhere below, Harry heard a car door slam and flinched into his hands. He tried to tell himself it was just a neighbour, but when the front door slammed shut, all delusions were rid from his mind.
Make that half a minute to pull himself together.